Needy or Not?

Today I began another 30 day Intensive Online Course about loving relationships.  If you don't mind, may I share a little of it with you?  Perhaps you may find its coursework interesting.  If not, I'll pick up on that : -). You'll see pretty pictures for a month. 

Day One of the course, is about needing each other versus being needy.  I quote:

Need:
Humans, like many other animals, need each other. We are social beings and we are not meant to be alone. We need each other for many things, such as:

Caring, tenderness, hugs, touch and emotional support

Connection, sharing love

Learning and growing emotionally and spiritually

Companionship - sharing fun and laughter, play, adventure and everyday life

Love making

Physical help when needed

Having our back - creating a sense of safety through support

We thrive when we feel connected and supported by each other, and we suffer when connection and support are not available. We have these needs as babies and we never lose them.

Needy:
When we abandon ourselves by not taking responsibility for our own feelings of self-worth and well-being, we become needy. We are needy when:

We don't take physical care of ourselves - eating badly, not exercising, and not getting enough sleep - and then become sick and dependent on others.

We avoid attending to our own feelings with various substance and process addictions - alcohol, drugs, food, TV, sex, spending and so on.

We choose not to learn and grow emotionally and spiritually, not to pursue our passions, and not to help others, therefore becoming empty inside. When we are empty within, we might expect others to fill us with their attention, love and approval.

We see ourselves as victims, blaming others or God for our current circumstances.

We judge ourselves harshly, which is the opposite of loving ourselves. Self-judgment creates the inner emptiness that leads to neediness.

End of quote. This quote will set destruct in 24 hours, to maintain the privacy of its source.

The question for all students " Why do you want to be in relationship?"

My answer:

"I want to be in a relationship, because I want to feel that circle of love, where each person responds to the other with compassion in all sorts of ways, from helping out, to playing, to being attuned emotionally, laughing, comforting, speaking our truths.  After reading today's topic, I recognize myself as being needy and insecure nowadays, like I don't fit in.   I'm a widow, and I feel like the flapping loose end of a cord that once circled round.  I've had a deeply satisfying marriage and I am not interested in another partner, but I do want to replicate this comfortable intimacy with women friends.  Yet I find making friends with women  so very challenging.  I have made authentic connection online in forums, and in blogs. Yet in 'real life'  I've met either women with little need or time for establishing new friendship, or else very needy women who cling to me.  I am neither someone's fallback, nor last resort, nor rescuer, nor wingman in a mating quest. The question "Why be in a relationship?" is a good one.  My answer:  for comfortable and joyful intimacy.  But, and this is a big BUT, it appears I have mommy issues (eye roll)"

    Good evening  

    Sweet    

   dreams  

     to all