Remember the days when our feelings existed in Technicolor? Grief, or fear or lust, or delight, or envy, or pride, or anger got experienced from the top of our head to the tip of our toes? Does any one here still live in these Technicolor feelings?
Maybe my body has less energy to physicalize my feelings. Maybe feelings have repeated so often I hardly notice, much less expect treasure them. Maybe boredom is the enemy of feelings just as much a Technicolor burnout is. Maybe feelings are subtle, complicated - two teaspoons of delight mixed with 1 tablespoon of fear, a pinch of anger, topped off with pride.
In any case, my feelings radar catches big snowflakes, and misses the thin mist. Fog, really. Any body feel like they're living in a fog? Man, am I curious about Technicolor. Maybe it's as simple as pushing my reset button, but I need a very tiny paperclip. As it stands, my coziness with some feelings induces my radar to make a beeline for these, completely missing the fact that my real feeling is two clicks over. Is the body energy from feelings just too much bodily upset these days? I miss the days with my personal cheat sheet. You know, that 24/7 companion who'd pick up our signals, and ask the question "Am I reading you correctly?". Hey, should I spend more time looking in the mirror with my note pad? Get a smart phone and take selfies?
Um.
"Sweet heart, how are you feeling?". My answer is, um, um, um, um,
eager mixed with calm mixed with anger mixed with fear. In one place.
Good morning.
How are you
feeling
Today?
You'll feel better when you get back home. You have too many toxic memories where you're at to see the colors.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder : -)
ReplyDeleteMy life seems to be just a nice, soft shade of gray--and I like it that way. The only bright color I need is to see bright sun pouring in my windows.
ReplyDeleteGray includes all the colors of the spectrum, just softly! I know what you mean about needing sun - it instantly improves my mood!
ReplyDelete