Every moment of every day I can live without shame and pain from being alone. I just had an exquisite lobster meal on a restaurant's deck, overlooking the international ferry that transports travellers to/from Canada. Earlier today I feared a rainy mood on a rainy day. But morning yielded to a sunny day and magnificent meal.
That's my lesson for this day.
If I live expectantly, willingly, and gratefully, abandoning my regret and embarrassment at my aloneness in a world of couples, families and groups, great joy and innocent delight emerges. I share that freely, with waitresses, with other diners, and it is returned in kind.
It's not the families and groups I miss being part of. It's the best male friend, united in body, soul and mind that I miss. Not my husband. It's the unknown lover who is at this moment traveling, active yet lonely, lover and friend of the earth and sky, and ready to reach out. In his absence I have my own dear friendship. Today is so welcome, so loved. I draw nourishment from the sky and the sea, in this quiet place where land changes name from United States to Canada, if one but takes a ferry with a wish for more.
Flo
ReplyDeleteAs I continue to visit some very early hermetic 4th and 5th century sites near avignon, I can see where the hermits created small communities out of that need for connection; and I can feel your yearning not to be/feel so alone.
We are of course never alone even if we wanted to be, as you have discovered here with the sea and the sky and the waitresses. And what a beautifully composed picture, with a man to the left and an empty white chair to the right, and the boat just entering the port!
Finding my place in life is turning out to be a struggle. I have lost the shortcuts to this path and have to start all over again! I can only embrace my emptiness, listening to the still, small voice inside.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting. Your visit to these early sites sound so moving.