Sunday, October 30, 2016

When Do You Get Out Of Yourself?

When do you get out of yourself and start helping others?

Me with Nana, 1953
I texted this question to my spiritual director - the woman who introduced me to so many forms of healing on Kauai last year.

We had lunch earlier this week.  I'd been asked by the Hawaiian Kahuna ( 'Kahuna' as wise woman of Hawaiian spiritual authority, not as in 'Big Kahuna') to give a testimony, to the woman I now sat across from, about the Spiritual Retreat 'Deep Within' she ran one year ago. 

I did not go easy.

"It cracked me open. (We'd had a woman's tribal ceremony, Hawaiian style.)  It was a shattering experience. I flashed back to my mother touching me and all the body abuse flooded in.  I freaked, flooded with shame so real it made my skin crawl.  I went into a tailspin for two months, barely making it through the holidays, my shame was so vivid. It forced me to go into therapy for PTSD.  I am not going back for your next retreat."

She apologized she didn't recognize my reaction at the time.

"It's not surprising.  When I'm stressed I lock down and look calm, cool and collected on the outside. No one has a clue."

"Well," we agreed, "the retreat served its purpose - it went Deep Within".

I suppose I could look at it as my rite of initiation - my demons showed up and I faced them.  I'll still pass on her upcoming retreat:

The Big Island Fire Goddess Pele Retreat

Can you recall crises revealing new wonders in your life?  I'd love to learn if your crises have had their upside.   Because of last year's crisis I have come to finally love little baby me.  I see her and go "Awwww.  She's a little wonder."

Glorious Wonder today. 

Getting back to my question:
When do you get out of yourself and start helping others?

I texted my answer along with that question.  "When you go deep within and link to the lifeline we're all connected to, which opens our eyes to our own value.  And when we link, we agree to our own value and speak from it.  This LOVE lifeline draws us into situations and toward people struggling along the same lines we have.  I believe you would say we're all struggling along the same lines?"

"Yes...this is perfect"  she replied.  "We are all learning who we are.  How we are all connected and what our gifts are so that we can help others as well.  We call those to us with the same or similar vibration."

Well.  hmmm.  This vibration thing.  Maybe I should consider dating again...


  1. I wouldn't call them "wonders in my life" but I do think our crises test us and reveal our strengths and weaknesses. Don's stroke was by far my Waterloo.

    Your crisis are more baseline and revealing answers to long standing questions in your life---at least that's my impression---so I can see why you'd call yours "wonders of life." The revelations changed your life for the better. That is after all your hard internal work.

    Are you ready to date again? Only you can know the answer to that question but if it's 'yes' just make sure the guy is emotionally and legally available first! You deserve that.

  2. Emotionally and legally available guys. LOL! At our age we have to add physically available for how long... I don't know that I have the stamina for exploring this anymore. I may stick to exploring land masses and inner worlds.

    I do agree crises test us, and reveal our weaknesses. I would add they develop our strengths far beyond what we were originally capable of.

    :-) I always thought I had no where to go but up, given how low my self-esteem was. True, true, true.

  3. The being "physically available for how long" would stop me from getting married or living together with anyone again. After caregiving my dad and husband I won't put myself in a position where that could happen again. And I feel an obligation not to put myself in a position where what Don and I worked so hard for would end up in the bank account of someone I've only known for a few years, should I get sick first. That's not to say two people can't have a great relationship in our age brackets. I've seen it with my own dad and know it can work.

    You are such a physically attractive and healthy woman, you've got the world open to you.

    1. Amen to your thoughts about getting married or living together. And thank you for the compliment!

  4. Well, Little Sister, you certainly have had quite a year!!! When we are born and raised into physical and/or emotional abuse, that is ingrown into our young lives and carries over to our adult lives. Low self-esteem or non-existent self esteem has to be the result of that implant. Now, here you are, still young enough to recover, find your new "baby" self and run with it. The photo you posted shows a much more comfortable, relaxed and happy person than photos taken a mere 6 months ago. You now, even have the strength to tell the person you perceived as your Guru, the truth!!! I am truly so very proud of you!!!

    1. Hello, Big Sister!! I have found my new baby self and I am having such fun playing with her. I looked through family photographs for baby pics. This one on my Grandma's lap I love. Nana visited us once a year from Wisconsin, and sat us in her lap, reading us stories. I wasn't aware at the time how important she was.

      If I was to put words in my little baby mind, I'd be looking at momma, thinking "Hmmmph! There sure is a lot of manure packed in this there's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

      You are spot on, that I now have the strength to tell the truth to my 'guru'. She listened with interest and love.

  5. Jean's words are my thoughts exactly ... I do not want to end up being a nurse ... and do not want someone new(er) in my life being MY nurse. The fact that I had so many years of love and caring with the younger Mr. Ralph made my caring for him in sickness an honor, not a chore. I could not do it again. But that's just me!

    There are ways to protect your own assets so that they stay in YOUR family, so don't let that hold you back. It would be nice to have a snuggle or two every day ...

  6. We ladies warrant all the snuggles coming to us. May you be up to your ears in snuggles when you return to Portland!

    I'm thinking of taking those wonderful comments about me a few posts back and creating an online dating profile of them. I'd run any profile by you ladies first ;-)