Wednesday, October 5, 2016

No Better Use for Love

You voted with your clicks.  I'm humbled by over two hundred visits and several comments this past week.  Thank you!  (And yah, it could have been the sexy title, too.)

I was beginning to feel underwhelming, you see.

No prepared theme today.  I'll see what comes out.

I'm taking this course about 'Deeper Dating'.  Actually it's called the 'Lifelong Love' course, with 'Deeper Dating's author, Ken Page.  How I got into this course with a title like this?  I followed some people I admired in. 

I'm kind like the blindfolded birthday gal playing Pin The Tail On The Donkey these days.  Round and round I spin.  Feeling my way in!

About this 'Lifelong Love' course -  One way to look at it, is to say 'nailed it'!  And this lovely period has reached its conclusion.  BooHoo.  (For those still grieving, I do NOT belittle grieving At ALL.)

Another way to look at it is to be the discoverer.  Simply tweak "Deeper Dating" into "Deeper Relating".  I've got this tail.  Now where is this rump?

Deeper Relating.  You guys know it.  It's that delicious social ease that comes with being absolutely known and absolutely loved through and through. 

Do you know, as a kid I had this idea that only extraordinary people could pin the tail on the donkey's rump?  I mean, considering we all were blindfolded, only people with this mysterious, extraordinary, extrasensory 'gift' that could nail that tail.  Then, for awhile I pouted.  I thought the winners cheated.

But then I met a whole different type of people.   You know what these people do?  You guessed it.  Once they have taken their turn and taken off their blindfold, they help the next player find that donkey's rump.

'Extra' ordinary 'gifts' and cheating have nothing to do with nailing that donkey's tail.   Unless you count teamwork as extraordinary.

So, back to this Lifelong Love Course.  We've gotten to the part called the Gift Circle.  It's where we students pick folks who know us well, and ask them to tell us what qualities they treasure in us.  The idea of Deeper Dating is that love develops through sharing our core gifts, the qualities we feel most vulnerable about.  So many of us don't recognize where our core gifts lie.  (Like being blindfolded with the tail in your hand?)  I've asked my best friend.  I'll share her reply with you, if she gives me permission.  (Ah!  It just popped into my mailbox!)  I'd like to set up a Skype session with a couple other women. 

So asking is the first half of the Gift Circle.

The other half of this Gift Circle involves telling what qualities we treasure in them. 

I've been thinking about what qualities I treasure in you. 

You have this delicious quality of attention.  Towards yourself, towards others, toward what you love doing.  It's this kind of attention that feels into others, into one's own interests and one's self. It observes with care.  All is treasured.  It laughs.  We all have foibles, so here we are.  This quality of attention is the spark that glows, not to light up the room all by itself, not to extinguish itself when it lights the next candle, but to glow along with everyone else, until the whole room is bright.

This is a good use for love -

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

- Howard Thurman


  1. You always find the most interesting self-development courses (if I can use that adjective). Are they all found online or in your off line life or some of both?

    When I was reading about your core gifts it reminded me of a check list paper my husband filled out for a Woman in Transition class I took in the 1980's. Lots of surprises as a results of how differently he saw me and I saw me. I'm sure we all see ourselves differently than those who care about us see us.

    1. Jean, I found courses online, looking for ones that resonated with my goal to thrive. I like the group accountability. Since these courses depend on writing more than speaking, I feel 'in my element' (though phone conference calls are included for those who like to share verbally).

      The last paragraph I was sharing what qualities I see in YOU, my readers who also post in their own blogs! Yes, I was generalizing, but, maybe read it again? to know what I treasure about you! I could be more specific about you in particular ;-)

    2. Wow, I didn't realize that you were writing about the qualities you like about your readers! I thought you were sharing what your friend wrote to you and you just forgot to use quotes. LOL Now, I'm flattered.


  2. The qualities I love about you? You have never quit trying to find the "realness" of yourself. No matter what anyone said or told you their concept of you, you kept searching and Ta Dah--found them to be wrong and took the courageous way and TOLD them that they were wrong. This last year has brought so much growth for you and it is because you were determined to find out the truth. That, in itself, takes a lot of emotional and physical strength. I am soooo proud of you, Little Sister! :-)

    1. Yum. I am letting your affection sink in! Here are the qualities I treasure in you, metaphorically speaking...

      I watched while you pick yourself up after the trains stopped running on your old track, while you found your way over to the 'Judy' railroad track. The trains there are running! We get to ride with you on all sorts of rambles, through sunny scenes and nighttime interruptions, up high hills and down, all at your invitation. Your pace is real, the pace not of an automated and pristine train, but of a train well-worn, with character and more intrigue. To me you're a loving spirit who's a spitfire underneath. Love you, Judy :-)

  3. Following Judy's suit, what I love about you, that you are still a mystery to me even though I've read all of your blog postings. I know you have an artist's soul and a way of looking at life that is slightly off center in a good way. I love that you are open to new ideas and new experiences and seem to have a good sense of humor. You, Judy and I would have a great time together if we lived closer.

    1. I'm so touched, Jean! My artist's soul is something I'm making peace with. It leads me into dark forests sometimes, and here's where I take tips from you: With keen observation skills I'm still tethered to sanity. Uh, right?

      What I love about you, in addition to the quality of attention and observation I wrote of above, is your sensitive graciousness. When visitors read, reflect and comment on your posts, you also reflect on what they've contributed, responding with interest. You are a community builder. I also love the way you take the raw material of your life and make a tasty dish of it. I gather you are writing to taste your own life? I write to taste my life, and I draw to taste my inner life. I can say the same of you, that "you have an artist's [and a journalist's] soul and a way of looking at life that is slightly off center in a good way".

      You're welcome to visit, you both are, if you have a hankering for NYC and its 'burbs. I know you'd not hold me to any standards other than being real. ;-)

  4. We are all three the best mutual admiration society I've had the pleasure to see in a long time. LOL Thank you.