My message for today: Be Authentic. Not a people pleaser. Not a people distancer. Instead, be authentic. Be a people includer. If this comes naturally to you, God bless you. Me? No. I've been a social chameleon, except to you all, here, and my Friendship Coach, my late husband, my brother, and a couple friends.
That social chameleon is one monkey I believe people don't catch on to, because her rose colored mirror is so big all they see is their own pretty reflection. Who doesn't like that? Except... maybe they do spot her. Maybe people are more clever than that, and really want to know the real me. Hey. Maybe the authentic me comes out any way. In any case, I've been deliberately ditching this pretty little monkey and just being - authentic. In little encounters. It's a start. It's fun, actually but for a people pleaser like me, it's unnerving. I guess this is how you learn who your friends are, when they actually like you for being authentic.
Do you use the Social Chameleon as your default? When? Or is it just me?
I'm crazy busy these days. Next week I take my little RV up to Maine for two weeks and it's so much work to get it up and running. Its suspension system, which depends on air pressure as well as leaf springs, is still broken, even though my dear mechanic has been troubleshooting it for three weeks. His last fix hasn't held. RV's loaded weight is 8800 pounds, and I need plenty of ground clearance in these campgrounds! Luckily, I just need to push a button on its dashboard to add pressure to the air bladders on the rear axle that hold it up.
Yesterday I vacuumed its upholstery, shampooed its carpets, cleaned its cabinets, washed its windows. Today I fix its dead outlet, fill its water supply, test its water pump and heater and refrigerator. None of today's work comes naturally.
Take a deep breath. Just because it doesn't come naturally, doesn't mean I'm not supposed to be doing it.
I get confused when experts say to be authentic, then urge you to do something out of character for you...like being outgoing when you're naturally a wall flower or a chameleon. LOL I do like to blend in, be in the background. It's my comfort zone. BUT I do agree that to make friends being a chameleon is not ideal.
ReplyDeleteYou are a brave and adventurous woman to make a RV trip on your own. I used to love RV camping and camping parks. Hope you have a great time!
Could be we're naturally introverts and harmonizers instead of social chameleons or wallflowers. It's just how we look at it. We could be providing a comfort zone to others and ourselves ultimately. Reading how you've put yourself out there to make friends has inspired me.
ReplyDeleteI might have run into you camping, if the east coast was ever you cup of tea. We might have even met each other's hubbys. I had the camping bug even before I met my guy and would go to Assateague State Campground with girlfriends.
I hear the campgrounds are super out west (Michigan I mean). One of these trips...
Labels matter---especially when we're applying those labels to ourselves---and introverts and harmonizers does sound better than chameleons and wallflowers.
ReplyDeleteOur RV camping was mostly done out west but we did do one trip to Maine and the New England states. I haven't been to Michigan's campgrounds in 15 years. From what I hear they are still nice/roughed but extremely busy and booked up so far ahead it isn't funny.
I hope you enjoyed your trip to New England. I prefer the campgrounds where they don't herd all the RV's together. Maine State campgrounds vary greatly, but they're pretty wooly still. I love it this way. If I see my neighbor's campfire, he's too close!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter and her family are in Arcadia right now.
ReplyDeleteYes--a people pleaser all my life--until the last couple of years. Now, I am authentic and some don't like that because they expect me to act the way I always did and...not speak my mind or my honest feelings. HAH--I have waited to become this older age so that I CAN--and if they think it is strange--they can just chalk it up to,"Judy's becoming a bit weird, isn't she?" HAH
Hi! I had a PC free weekend - sorry I haven't responded sooner. Acadia is so beautiful, they must be having a wonderful time. This is where I'm headed : -)
DeleteI love your weirdness! It's not really weird, just uncorked. Liberated. Out of the shadows. Interestingly, the last couple years you've been without Fred, so I wonder how this plays into your change. I personally am seeing life post widowhood as one grand experiment, never too late to be a novice, is it?
Stay tuned. I'll keep speaking my mind, from Acadia and beyond.