Hello, friends! I am so ecstatically happy. I have a new tool in my toolbox! Another arrow in my quiver! And (for all you souls who read my recent Soufflé post) I have discovered an ingredient of a risen soufflé! (Or have I discovered the oven temperature?)
This all began last Wednesday in my trauma counselor's office. That's when this dear woman asked for a favor. And she asked me so considerately I couldn't help but notice - she cares about me. The favor she has asked is that I refrain from posting 'fly on the wall' stories of our sessions. Confidentiality rules and all. Now confidentiality rules technically apply to counselors and not to clients. But she offered compelling reasons for me to maintain confidentiality. Well. I care about her, too. From now on I will let you in on the gist of my sessions. My prior 'session' posts, together with their comments, have been immeasurably beneficial, and I will keep them intact.
Have comments from readers ever lead to an "Ah-HA!" for you? Your comments do so for me. Since last Wednesday, I have recalled your comments, plus her comments, my Friendship Counselor's, my friend's, and other's. I mixed them with liberal doses of self-reflection and self-appraisal.
Voila! What all these sources have in common is ~<~<~<~< drumroll~>~>~>~>
consideration for people's feelings.
Good Lord. If you yourself grew up in the land of courtesy you were one lucky pig-tailed princess. This gal did not. My mother was unable to give a damn about anyone's feelings. Oh... Wait a minute. Yes she did give a damn about someone's feelings. Her own! Beyond that - clueless, reckless, and steamed. Now such inconsideration is chilling to baby princes and princesses. Chilling to potential friends. This inconsiderate woman did not have a single friend.
Maybe I have now entered the Courtesy Zone?
Through this door I now discover
1. I have feelings. They are invaluable.
2. You have feelings. They are invaluable.
3. Some people are not considerate of their own feelings, let alone others'. Easy to spot these folk by how you feel in their presence.
4. If you care about someone, you are especially considerate of their feelings.
5. If you care about yourself, you are especially considerate of your own feelings.
6. I have a new filter for friendship - how considerate is someone toward my feelings when I share?
7. People have been filtering me for friendship all along, by how considerate I am.
Now this next discovery applies just to me.
8. My mother's "I don't give a damn about your feelings!" is a quality I unwittingly transpose on potential female friends. And "I don't give a damn about your feelings!" is quality in my own outlook.
My next breadcrumb...maybe an ingredient?
9. People don't naturally 'NOT give a damn about feelings' , unless we ourselves are so traumatized that we can't or dare not feel our own feelings, much less yours. That makes us the bulls in your china shops.
10. When people cannot feel their own intrinsic worth, this pain is so intolerable that we will do a lot to cover it up.
Well, I am so moved by this fresh discovery I could cry. Tell me, please, what is it like in your courtesy zone?