1.
a mode of
behavior or way of thought peculiar to an individual.
"one of his little idiosyncrasies was always
preferring to be in the car first"
2.
a distinctive or
peculiar feature or characteristic of a place or thing.
This week, as I considered sharing what I experienced, I thought "Not about that" . It's too peculiar. Too weird!
Well...It starts with this...
I believe in the presence of energy fields.
Fifteen months ago, before I went to Hawaii seeking a new start, 'energy fields' were in the Woo Woo category.
Before I tell you what happened, though, I want to share something I read in today's New York Times Op-Ed section (therefore, not weird, right?). It refers to American Sign Language.
"In more recent years, a new sign has been created:
the fingers of the hand,
facing downward over the heart like a closed flower,
then rotating upward with opening petals
until the fingers are then placed back over the heart
with the "flower" facing in the right direction."
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/23/opinion/bring-moral-imagination-back-in-style.html?ref=opinion&_r=0
It all started with a meditation from an Audible book entitled Energetic Boundaries, by Cyndi Dale. Energy, our own or others', is something we pick up on, in a 'sixth sense' kind of way, and Cyndi speaks about four energetic fields.
- our physical energetic field from our skin's boundary inward
- our emotional energetic field, extending outside our body
- our relational energetic field, extending beyond that
- our spiritual energetic field beyond this
My historical circumstances began like yours did, in a womb. Mine diverges a bit, for I lived in a womb void of a mother's love connection. A mother's love energy usually swirls round her fetus and sets her fetus's nervous system, in its deepest rhythms, with her own nervous system's love. So, I've always experienced myself as lacking love and therefore unworthy of it. Except, as weird as it sounds, my understanding shifted as I meditated on my energy fields with Cyndi.
The other day, I plugged Cyndi's Audible book and her voice. I was walking on a beautiful nature trail, and though she advises one to lie down and close one's eyes, for this guided meditation, I figured I'd keep walking and avoid tripping. During her energetic healing meditation I allowed myself to be drawn into almost a trancelike state. Her voice led me through these four energy fields and backwards through time - to the moment in time when I was a single cell, in somebody's womb.
Then she asked me to step back in time before I was even a single cell. I was to feel what and who surrounded me, what was desired for me, before I entered a single cell.
I felt it. I was surrounded by love, swirling round me. I was love, its expression, its awareness. Around me I became energetically aware of spiritual beings, of my ancestors, and a great, maybe 'Source' spirit. They supported me in love. I supported me in love. Cyndi instructed me to ask, in this place, what my true story is. I did, and received one word in answer: Behest. (Likely these folks said additional things, but I grasped the key word.)
Behest. With that Cyndi brought me back to my physical surroundings, and thus ended my meditation.
Behest: At my behest? At Love's behest? There, a shift. There, in my heart, a flower, upside down with closed petals, heard the angels? speak, hearing love, experiencing love. And this flower turned toward love, up righting itself, opening up inside my heart. Just like the American Sign Language's symbol for 'transgender', enacts. O.K. Not exactly in the gender department...
And so, I want to share what my real story is: I came at love's behest. Before I was a single cell in my mother's womb, I was something - a soul? - who lived, maybe in some infinite spirit energy field, of love. I chose to come here. I may have even chosen to come in my mother's womb for very good reasons - to learn how to love. To seek it and discover it when I looked inside my own heart.
What's changed? Instead of feeling unworthy, I feel myself to be beneficial. I am intrinsically beneficial.
So that is my story of the week. And by the way, I picked up my beloved RV the other day. You single gals will understand this. Needing a ride and having no wheels. Yeah, I've heard there's Uber, and there are friends who will do a favor. But there's also improvisation. Hah! So, as my repaired RV sat marooned day after day at its mechanic's 19 miles away, I remembered my regular local mechanic had seen my RV at the new mechanic's on his way in to work. I called him with a proposal: I bicycle to his shop, only 7 miles away, and he gives me a lift to the other mechanic's on his way home. Hah! My darling is back in its carport.
Cleaning its mice nests out will wait until this heat wave's over. Meanwhile, have a super day, everyone!
