This post is about my friendship flops, how I knew and when I knew my New Friend Picker was broken. It all started when I took the easy road. Well, no road in widowhood is easy, but you get what I mean. This is what it looks like. First, stick with who you know. Second, go to so many groups your head is spinning. After that, solo dining and traveling feels soothing. Third, consume yourself with meeting a new partner. After all, 24/7/365 with one man is easier than herding cats, which is what making dates with girlfriends feels like. Fourth, turn to sharing who you are through blogs, because that's where the wonderful women are.
But that doesn't yield a girlfriend joking over pasta at that great new Italian restaurant. So, here's the report on my friendship quest. Time period: nine years. Four new girlfriends total, one of whom has died. The other three, well, here they are. To protect the names of the innocent I'll call them Sally Sunshine, Suzie Starburst, and Queen Mary. Anyone would say they are lively, confident and bright. One never encounters a lull in the conversation. So easy to be with. They were all single and they had free time to go out to dinner. Still, I'd call them the low hanging fruit of friendship. Why? Because all they needed was an audience, and almost anyone would do. They will, and they did suck the air out of a room whenever I tried to turn the conversation back to me.
Be relieved. I am no longer friends with them. For a while I confused being a wingman with being friends. Oh, God. You know that sinking feeling we had in High School? Or were you one of the popular girls?
See why I needed to hire a Friendship Coach? I am a nice, decent woman with lousy girlfriend picking skills.
I tell myself, we widows really do have an ace in the hole when it comes to making friends. We obviously had great husband picking skills. If I had to choose between having a great husband and lousy girlfriends, or a lousy husband and great girlfriends, I'd pick the first. That way, you have 24/7/365 covered. My point is, these great skills can be transferred.
As my Friendship Coach says "Be in the room". To which I add "Be the one to break the ice." I've been doing that more frequently. Feels good.
Best wishes to you in your friendship quest, my online buddies. I would so love to know what you've learned since you've been widowed. It's not hard to do better than me!