Monday, November 5, 2012
Down, not out... finally
Hurricane Sandy came along last week. Funny how it reminds me of the way death approached, bearing down with relentless purpose, without consideration or gentleness for anyone it would harm. Like the death watch, all one could do was prepare, then hunker down. Like death, it claimed victory, destroying what it could. Like death, it left survivors to rebuild from scratch. Like death, it's really hard to find the humor in it.
But, you know, for most of us this hurricane wasn't death. Sandy was strong where I live, and I hunkered down. She blew over, only leaving me without power for six days, with a huge tree down and my precious routine disturbed. Sandy was a mere blip on my emotional radar, especially when the power came back on.
True, a lot of people are in crisis, displaced, never to return to the life and neighborhood they knew. How different is this from surviving widowhood? We take stock. Visible losses are attended to. We rebuild a life. New routines get established. Everything looks normal, to others. Feeling normal is another issue. Healing the internal wounds takes the time it needs to take. We couldn't do it without each other.
I hope everybody has survived Sandy intact. More importantly, have you survived the death of your spouse intact? Yes, and no. Death gave me one really great gift - I take far less for granted. And I've learned that being intact really isn't necessary for a really good life.
How are you doing it?