It's a beautiful day

I just can't see it.

I saw a dead deer by the side of the road, and an official town truck stopped alongside.  Two men in their fluorescent orange vests had wrapped a towel around her and were about to heave her into the bed of the truck.  "That could be me!" I wailed.

Life gets bleak when I look ahead, if it's love I'm looking for. 

I finished the bike ride for our local cancer center.  53 miles in under 4 hours.  3649 feet ascending and 3649 feet descending.  Slower than the racers half my age, but faster than I rode it two years ago.  Fast down some hills - 35 mph - and la dee da slow up some hills - 5 mph.  I was easily the oldest woman cycling the route.  I did feel tired afterward, but I didn't feel sore, not even the tiniest little bit.

Five years ago I couldn't have done this.   I was out of shape and grieving.   I weighed 149 and wore size 12.   Then I saw someone cycling in the mountains of Tuscany. What freedom!   What gorgeous landscape!   What vitality!   I want that!  So with that in mind, I put myself on a weight training regimen.    When I wanted to quit I held out my carrot - that cyclist in Tuscany was me.  I bought a bicycle and bribed myself to go 4 1/2 miles.  Then more. Then more.   I found an auction site offering a discount bike trip for two to Tuscany, and I bid my birth year.   Wouldn't you know, I won?   Guess I was meant to go.
That was five years ago.  I need to believe I can see a beautiful day, today.