Nothing terribly earth shattering in this weekend's topic in my Loving Relationships course. We've probably read this stuff in some magazine or other. However, as I'm the one who needs a checklist, I'm the one who has trouble making new friends, I'm the one who may not even want to make new friends, it is timely.
Day Four: Controlling behavior - How do You try to Control?
Do you try to control by
- Criticizing, judging
- Being sneaky and deceptive
- Making jokes all the time
- Giving advice
- tsk-tsking others
- Keeping it light and agreeable
- Using sarcasm
- Being enlightened, a know-it-all
- Being 'overly nice'
- Being indispensable
- Being invisible, blending in
- Teaching, pointing things out without being asked
- Hogging the conversation
- Putting yourself, or others, down
- Using threats
- Sexually assaulting
- Sexually seducing
- Making yourself helpless
- Needing rescue
I love the way the teacher writes 'TRY to control'. Sure, you can influence how someone behaves, but ever had any luck trying to control how someone feels about you?
The teacher goes on (I paraphrase):
1.-Some people feel loved and safe when the other person behaves the way we want them to behave. Love means someone trying to please you. Love means getting someone to do what you want. Enter control
2.-Some people feel loved and safe when the other person is warm, accepting, and understanding. Love means getting people to be compassionate toward you, warts and all. Enter control
geesh. I'm exhausted trying to be nice.