I've been unhappy these last few days. You know I'm taking a Relationships Course online. To discover how I am contributing to my loneliness. I'm embarrassed about how little I understand about this 'girl friendship' thing. Did you know, it's been proven that most women respond to stress with a 'tend and befriend' impulse? Connecting with other women releases a soothing hormone, oxytocin. I guess women call it hashing out their feelings and stories. One such night happened just before Christmas at my sister's house, and I headed for bed instead. The male gender typically doesn't head out with a gaggle of men to talk out their feelings. No wonder I prefer men!
The Loving Relationships Course is wonderful. I'm the only single person taking it and odd, I suppose, but it's invaluable. This is what I'm learning (besides that fact that loneliness is a human condition we all try to address):
If we try to feel good about ourselves THROUGH others, we're setting ourselves up to be lonely. Meaning, DO NOT assign others the task of taking care of our feelings or our loneliness. They didn't cause either. We can believe that they do. Who doesn't know someone who dumps her feelings on us so we will take care of them? It's like someone is thrusting themselves into our arms, asking us to be their mommy. We can feel the pull and our energy drain from her (or him). It's yucky. Well, in some ways, I'm a puller. I want to thrust myself into someone's arms, asking them to be take care of my feelings and make it better. And sometimes I'm the person who wants to feel powerful, like I can take care of someone else's feelings. Dumb...
The key to happy, healthy relationships is to adore ourselves, to have an inner loop of love within ourselves, and not pull it out of others. Emotional support pulled out of someone isn't love, it's compliance. Emotional support freely offered is love. Love is a gift we can only invite.
Learning how to deal with