Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Random thoughts after a Dream

Last night I had one of those dreams.   No, not the dream about swimming with fish.  You know, the one where your late husband announces in so many ways how cool his life is now that he's been released from life with you?

I don't know abut you, but I still go into 'How dare you!" mode.  Vainly I remind him he loved me THIS MUCH and he doesn't need this new love.  Because his afterlife always includes another female playmate.  His afterlife is going swimmingly well.

Next time, will I say to my dream boy "Fine.  You've released me.  I've released you, too.  Be well!"?
Because my life calendar right now divides into b.E.,  d.E., a.E.  Before Ev, During Ev, After Ev. And my a.E. needs a d.something wonderfully divine, too. Now!   Or, maybe a whole new system of division?

This morning I am pondering what it might take to reapportion my calendar. Here are a couple thoughts spread out on my desk. 

1) Get real.

Take a page from my Friendship Coach's book.  "Flo", she told me, "you haven't released your mother.".  In other words, stopped making her God.  Stopped believing that how she treated me actually reflected my true worth and identity.  She's about fully released, and I feel super!

2) Now apply this to Ev.  Yeah, I'm making him God.  It makes perfect sense to hang onto his adoring reflection of my worth.  Course it's an edited reflection, but pretty lightly so. 

3) Now pick a reflection that's actually accurate in real time.  Like, you mean, God's?  How can I be sure I'm not projecting?

I'll ponder this, while I'm out eating breakfast.

   Good morning  
  Happy day   
  to you ! ! 


  1. The only reflection that counts, in my opinion, is the one YOU see when you look inside yourself. We all tend to let others define us and we shouldn't ever let that happen.

    1. I agree. Deep down we all know our value and who we are, and it's great to free ourselves of ill fitting definitions. Nothing's created in a vacuum, that's all. My neighbor's daughter actually changed her gender when she reached adulthood, and I'm so proud of mom for supporting her becoming 'him'.

  2. When I see Fred, he is always sitting with his mother and talking about racing, LOL. You are going to be sooooooooo happy when you fully release your Mother. I know. I have released my Dad and all his damage to my self esteem AND I have forgiven him. Now, I rarely think about it. That kind of "defining" of us comes at such an early age that it is ingrained in our whole being. I so envy those women (especially) who had wonderful caring parents. I so would have loved to have been Daddy's Princess.

    1. Me, too! Your tenderness far exceeds your Dad's, from what I understand of him. Gosh, Judy. You help me see that we are not the product of our injuries. We become what we set our sights on - our intent to love. It's so neat to learn more at this stage of life!