An invitation. That's what these 15 minutes a day feel like. Opening the window to my soul, and my personality - the unpolished version!
The context. Going back to that moment of his death. Did you have a similar experience to mine when your beloved passed? It's like our hearts were cracked open. Love and tears spilled out. Tender, tender, tender! Tenderness on display for all, gosh, even the lawyer. For me, it lasted for maybe six months? Then my former closed personality snapped into action. I can't blame the people around me for triggering my protective instincts, though I will LOL. I mean, everybody cut me a lot of slack in the first six months. I wasn't supposed to be like I always am. Course I would act out of the ordinary. Widows are weepy and tender and all. Yes, people went out of their way to be tender and helpful - the first six months.
Slowly that window of tenderness closed. My former personality snapped to attention. The closed, opinionated, 'suck it up, marine' personality. So much to do. Get it done! Maybe I wasn't ready for that cracked open loving outlook to seat itself in my personality.
What had happened so abruptly with his death - that cracking open - is now being invited into my outlook daily. Right now, I'm schizoid. Sometimes I grant love and tenderness an honored seat. Sometimes, I whack it, and tell myself to 'Suck it up!'. Get on with the business of life!"
Time's up
Until tomorrow, friends
Hugs to all
May your day be warm and tender
May your day be warm and tender
With or without our soul mates, sometimes we all have to suck it up.
ReplyDeleteTrue! But how many people cozy up to a 'suck it up' type person? Who wants to reveal something vulnerable to someone and hear them say "Man up!" in so many words? This isn't the kind of person I want to be
ReplyDeleteI have always been the big, tall, strong one in my small family, so if I had broken down and fell on the floor screaming and crying when Fred died, the entire family and all of my friends would have run away in fear. I didn't feel like doing that anyway, I was just so grateful that I kept smiling. When I look back now, I probably was in total shock and complete denial, but it got me through. I am a really good public actress. I've never been much of a crier anyway. I certainly would never cry in front of anyone because that is exactly the reaction I would get, "Suck it up! It's been three years!" Oh--we are tough, aren't we? (NOT!)
ReplyDelete(NOT!). I so miss the tenderness in my life. I am really proud of you, and us, for managing our lives and our houses and our pet buddies and our family relations. I get it! We're adults doing adult things.
ReplyDeleteMaybeee, now that we realize how resilient we are, we can stop holding it together - you know... we can loosen up and LET the world fall apart?