Friday, June 15, 2012

What man would touch me with a ten foot pole?

When I look at myself, overworked and overwhelmed at times, what have I left to give a beloved?

I'm used up.   With projects I adore and with projects I have to get done.  I've thrown myself into surviving, first from necessity, now with a healthy dose of defiance.  I am going to thrive.   Widowhood isn't going to leave me half alive.  I'm doing two people's work to manage the same household.   Where's the free time for a special man?
"Step into my world",  I have said into my romantic void.   "Help me.  Hold me.  I'm pretty.  I'm healthy.  I'm faithful.  I'm loving.  I have a wonderful relationship resume!  No heavy baggage.  No bitterness.  Just peace.  Gratitude.  I have a magnificent home by a pond.  Come play.  Come stay.  Come be my love."

 Me.  Me.  Me.  It's all about me.   With a Pygmalion fantasy.

Until I come up with free time and a free heart for a man on his turf, on his terms, sometimes, I'm not serious about connecting with a real human being. 

Are you having trouble moving on, too?

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