Friday, June 15, 2012
What man would touch me with a ten foot pole?
When I look at myself, overworked and overwhelmed at times, what have I left to give a beloved?
I'm used up. With projects I adore and with projects I have to get done. I've thrown myself into surviving, first from necessity, now with a healthy dose of defiance. I am going to thrive. Widowhood isn't going to leave me half alive. I'm doing two people's work to manage the same household. Where's the free time for a special man?
"Step into my world", I have said into my romantic void. "Help me. Hold me. I'm pretty. I'm healthy. I'm faithful. I'm loving. I have a wonderful relationship resume! No heavy baggage. No bitterness. Just peace. Gratitude. I have a magnificent home by a pond. Come play. Come stay. Come be my love."
Me. Me. Me. It's all about me. With a Pygmalion fantasy.
Until I come up with free time and a free heart for a man on his turf, on his terms, sometimes, I'm not serious about connecting with a real human being.
Are you having trouble moving on, too?