Yesterday I took my longing to be part of a couple and put it in God's hands. I literally visualized this transfer, tucking God's fingers around my desire. I know He will tenderly keep it. I no longer have to concern myself with it.
It's been weighing me down. Yes, I am single, and would love a man to delight in me and have my back. Yes, I would love to delight in him and have his back. But God can use me to love whether there's a man in the picture or not. NO MAN DOES NOT MEAN NO EMBRACE. Nothing and no one can keep me from embracing LIFE. That, at least, is under my control.
In the last two and a half years I've tried my best to connect with new love. Boy, getting back into the singles market has been quite an education! I have no regrets.
I turned myself from a widow, defined by my past, into a single woman alive to my future. I became more fit, attractive, and adaptable to new and entirely different men. No one's going to be like my dear husband, and I'm not going to ask them to. Since I don't meet men around every corner, and I want a man to judge me by content as well as cover, I went online. Ah, the importance of the Profile. Good thing I love to write. I learned a lot. Different bait, different catch. But much more importantly, I learned to describe myself in a positive light. I began to see myself in a positive light.
Now I've become pretty comfortable with the meet and greet part of courtship. I've become pretty comfortable with the attention that comes after. Most gratefully, I've learned of my value through a couple of very special mens' eyes. I've learned to make decisions based on my best interests, which are to remain loving and open.
The lesson I most want to learn in life is how to be more loving. I can do no better than by putting myself in God's hands. My profile's still on one site, and I'm not holding my breath.